


feeling good again

by AllisonDiamond



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Developing Relationship, Feel-good, Feels, How Do I Tag, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Slash, Sleep, Sleeping Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-02-05 20:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12801975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisonDiamond/pseuds/AllisonDiamond
Summary: “That’s a no,” Thor said. “Alright. Am I wrong to have assumed that you wanted to spend time with me?” He smiled, a sad smile.“No, no. It’s just…I’m not good with this. Sitting back and relaxing,” he confessed.“I’d admit I’m not quite familiar with that. I always find it helpful to have a good drink, good food, surround myself with my good friends, and relax right after a battle.”Bruce chewed on his bottom lip. “I guess that’s one way to destress after a battle. I’d rather just work. It helps me stay awake, keeps the nightmares at bay.”





	1. unwind

After a long hellish battle, Bruce just wanted to go to his and Tony’s lab, and poured himself into his work. Thor had other plans, though. He approached Bruce and asked him to share a drink to celebrate their new coupling. Bruce was too weak to say no.

So, here he was, sitting on the couch, a mug of the strongest Asgardian liquor staring at him from the little glass table in the middle of the living room.

“Asgardian liquor is too strong for a mere mortal to handle,” Thor said after the silence had stretched between them, like a worn-out cloth. “Was I wrong to assume that you would want to try a liquor of this stature?”

Bruce shook his head. “No, uh, I’m sure I can handle Asgardian liquor,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “It's just…I just haven’t consumed any alcohol after my transformation. I’m not sure I want to. I don’t know what it’d do to me.”

“Oh.” Thor’s face softened. “I understand. No need to worry! The more Asgardian liquor for me, the better!” He smiled, clapping Bruce on the back.

“Are you not going to get drunk?” Bruce’s brows shot up. “Consuming all of that alcohol?” 

“Nonsense, Bruce, two mugs of Asgardian liquor cannot get me drunk. I once drank out Strange’s magical refilling mug. It was most wondrous!” He laughed, a roaring laughter. 

Bruce gave him a small smile. “Uh-huh.” He paused, looking down, then looking up again. “So, uh, want to watch a movie?” he asked uncomfortably.

Thor looked at him and then got an aha moment. “Yes, that’d be delightful. Stark got me the most wonderful movie.”

“Tony got you a _movie_?” Bruce raised a brow. “A _**movie**_?! I mean _Tony_ has been handing out tapes as proof of Bucky and Steve’s _undying, undeclared love_ , as he called it,” he finished irritably. “Does this movie have, by any chance, Bucky and Steve’s faces smashed together on it?”

Thor looked at him and smiled. “Yes!” he shouted. “I think it’s a marvelous idea that Stark is helping Steven and James.”

Bruce shook his head. “Right, of course, you do. Look, Thor,” he said, sighing, “I don’t think you want to watch that movie.”

“Why not?” Thor frowned.

“‘Cause…just _don’t_.” He shook his head again.

“Alright. Do you want to see a different movie from Stark’s?”

“Um,” Bruce began.

“That’s a no,” Thor said. “Alright. Am I wrong to have assumed that you wanted to spend time with me?” He smiled, a sad smile.

“No, no. It’s just…I’m _not_ good with this. Sitting back and relaxing,” he confessed. 

“I’d admit I’m not quite familiar with that. I always find it helpful to have a good drink, good food, surround myself with my good friends, and relax right after a battle.” 

Bruce chewed on his bottom lip. “I guess that’s one way to destress after a battle. I’d rather just _work_. It helps me stay awake, keeps the nightmares at bay.”

Thor turned his body around and looked at Bruce concernedly. “I’m sorry. Sleep is a most wonderful thing. On most nights, I’m awaken by Loki’s treacherous face, my father’s death, my mother’s death, my sister’s dark, cold face. When I do get to sleep, I’m most thankful for it.”

“That’s…I’m sorry,” Bruce let out.

“When was the last time you truly slept?” Thor looked into Bruce’s eyes, questioning, searching for answers of any kind.

“I don’t remember. Probably before I became the other guy,” he said quietly.

Thor leaned in closer. “Then let’s forget the drinks and sleep together instead!”

Bruce’s cheeks darkened. “Thor, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Tony will tape us together, and Quill will join him…I _don’t_ want us to end up like Steve and Bucky.”

Thor laughed and pulled him in for a crushing hug. “Don’t worry about Stark and Quill! They know of our coupling. Surely, they wouldn’t go where they aren’t needed?” he asked. “I trust them not to overstep their boundaries.”

“I don’t,” Bruce mumbled, breathing relievedly when Thor released him from the hug.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Thor assured him. “Let’s sleep. Even heroes need to sleep.”

“I don’t buy it, but okay.” He accepted Thor’s hand when he offered it. “I could use some sleep.”

“I promise not to fall sleep until you do, Bruce.” Thor squeezed Bruce’s hand gently in his.

“You don’t have to.” Bruce looked down.

“Nonsense, I want to.” Thor pulled Bruce up to him, bringing his hand to rest around Bruce’s waist. 

Bruce smiled.


	2. fear

Bruce wasn’t afraid of the nightmares he would get when he closed his eyes. He was more afraid of actually falling asleep, of losing himself entirely in his subconsciousness.

In a way, it was much more worse than when he became the other guy. When he was Hulk, he at least had some _say_ in what went on in his mind. Not by a lot but it was still something. He trusted the other guy not to screw him over; it took them a long time to reach there but they did get there eventually.

Sleep was different. He had no way of escaping, no safe guard to fall back onto; he was there all _alone_ by himself. His mind was a tricky place, and he knew when he crawled in there, it was a maze, and he might never be able to find his way out of there.

He was afraid of losing himself and he _wanted_ Thor to know. Yet a part of him was afraid of ruining what they had if Thor was to see the real him.

How did one go around revealing the ugliness buried deep within them? He _wasn’t_ quite sure. As much as he loved to roll his eyes at the excessive affection Tony and Quill shared, he knew at least they were comfortable enough to let the other view the more unattractive parts of each other.

Bruce _wanted_ that desperately with Thor, but he was too afraid to put his heart on the line like that. He was too afraid of the rejection he was sure to come, or at the very worst, being treated like he was something fragile, easy to break, hard to put back together.

“Bruce,” Thor’s gruff voice laced with sleep disturbed him from his thoughts. He looked up and blushed when he saw Thor removing his pants. Thor slept in the nude. It wasn’t something new. Bruce still found it a little difficult to look at Thor when he was stripped bare. He was a beautiful man with sun-kissed golden hair, a toned muscular chest, ocean-touched blue eyes, and a dazzling smile given from the gods themselves.

Bruce looked down again, ashamed he was admiring Thor’s physical features rather than his intelligence,his courage, his kindness, and the beauty that radiated from within him.

“My love, you do not seem quite well.” Thor took his brief off, cock hanging soft and pink between his legs. “Would you rather I sleep in clothes than in the nude?” He frowned suggesting that it was quite alright if this was what Bruce needed.

Bruce shook his head. “No, uh, I’m good. I’m just thinking, that’s all.” A small smile brushed his lips, but it never reached his eyes, and they remained tortured and tormented.

Thor sat down next to Bruce on the bed and didn’t question him. “Are you ready, love?” He stretched and yawned. “I believe drinking all that ale has tired me more that it should have!” He laughed and Bruce joined him even if it was just out of courtesy.

Thor’s smile flattened. “Bruce, if you _aren’t_ ready for this, you can tell me. I do believe sleep is a much needed thing, but I do understand if it troubles you so.”

“No, no, I’m good. Don’t worry about it. I’m just…I’ve _never_ slept with anyone than my mom, not even Betty. I never shared her bed when we did it. I always left afterwards,” he said thickly, his heart beating like a rocket in his chest, his palms getting sweatier than a rainstorm, the blood rushing to his cheeks faster than lightning.

“Oh,” Thor let out softly. “That’s alright. If the thought of my accompanying your bed bothers you so much, why didn’t you tell me so? I do not wish to do anything that would upset you.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Bruce looked up. “I’m _just_ …forget it,” he said quietly, not knowing how he managed to make Thor feel this unwelcome in such a short time already.

“No, tell me,” Thor urged him, carefully lifting Bruce’s chin to see what was truly bothering him. Bruce had the most expressive eyes and he hated that sometimes.

“I’m afraid,” he said after looking into Thor’s bright, welcoming eyes. It gave him the courage to talk of his troubles when only a few short minutes he couldn’t even do that. “I’m so afraid of closing my eyes, of facing my demons. I know it’s stupid, but I know when I close my eyes, I might never open them up again.”

Thor looked thoughtful, stroking his thumb idly over Bruce’s lips, which to, Bruce closed his eyes briefly, relaxing into the touch. “That _isn’t_ a foolish thing to be worried about. It’s common for warriors, even common civilians, to worry themselves over something simple as sleep.”

Bruce opened his eyes and chewed on his bottom lips, blushing a little. “I guess. It’s…I’m just so afraid, Thor, of letting anyone in, including you. I’m afraid I’ll lose you once you see beneath my awkwardness and whatever else you see in me. I don’t want that,” he confessed, choosing not to look at Thor anymore due to his insecurities.

“Nonsense, Bruce, you will never lose me. You are a wonderful man, an even better warrior. I’ve never met anyone more courageous and handsome than you, Bruce. Not even Jane can measure up to your beauty, your kindness, your intelligence, your courage, your willingness to go on when all seem bleak.”

“That’s the thing, though,” Bruce began. “I’m not that man. You see me as someone I’m not and I never let you believe otherwise. I’m damaged beyond repair, and if I had my way, I wouldn’t be here anymore. Being with you makes me want to live a little longer, but the feeling of not being here for another day is _still_ there. It never went away. I still want to be gone. I don’t want to be this way but I am.”

“Bruce, my love,” Thor breathed out, “I was not aware of how deep the issue with the Hulk runs. I’m sorry I haven’t noticed it before.” He took Bruce’s hands in his and looked into his eyes. “I promise you this, Bruce, if you choose to live for another day, I will show you how much loved and needed you are here. I need you. Our friends need you. Do not ever give up.”

Bruce believed him. He did. But this ugliness ran so deep inside of him that he feared he could never get rid of it, not even with such a pure and beautiful man like Thor by his side. He was utterly broken, and he feared that brokenness cannot be fixed no matter what. 

Thor continued on, taking Bruce’s silence as a good thing, “I understand what you are going through. Sometimes, even I do not want to stay wake for another day in this world, but I go on, with thoughts of you, of our friends, of the people who need my help. The most important reason for continuing to live is not for you, or our friends, or the innocents, it is for _me_ , and it always will be. I want you to be able to accomplish that.”

Bruce smiled softly and just nodded. _I want to be brave like you_ , he wanted to say, _but I am not there yet. I might never be._ Instead, he said, “I will try.” He paused for a minute. “And sleep is the perfect place to start.”

“Are you sure of this? You do not seem ready for this just yet. I do not want to force you to do something you do not want.”

“I am,” Bruce told him, pulling him down to the bed beside him. “This is as close as to ready as I will ever be.”

“Alright.” Thor nodded, placing his large, warm palm over Bruce’s stomach. Bruce relaxed slightly at the comfort that Thor’s palm brought to him.

Sleep didn’t come that night to him. He wanted it to come, but it _didn’t_ , and Thor remained faithful to his promise, and didn’t fall sleep until Bruce did.

It wasn’t until the sun rose up that Bruce truly slept, and Thor joined him, because sleep was a most wonderful thing, and they both needed this.


	3. start

There _were_ certain things which cannot be cured overnight. Sleep _was_ one of those things for Bruce.

He did fall asleep but not for too long. He stayed up for the entirety when Thor slept away like a thief in the night. 

He was content with just watching Thor sleep. Thor slept like a dove, spreading its wings, but never _truly_ finding a home. It made his heart ache to know that Thor was willing to suffer through his night terrors just to get a glimpse into a good night’s rest.

Bruce couldn’t do that. The moment he dreamed of bones breaking, skin tearing, organs reforming, he forced himself to wake up.

He _wasn’t_ ready nor was he willing to look into his unconscious. It was a ugly, steep place of buried memories and hidden thoughts. It was something, he felt, should under no circumstance ever be brought up.

Thor would understand. He knew he would. Yet a part of him was disappointed in himself for not being able to fall asleep, for not experiencing sleep like Thor would have wanted him to.

_Another time_ , he thought, head falling slack against the pillows. Another time, he hoped, he would finally be able to sleep and not worry about anything. He’d just be a blank canvas where ink can never be spilled on to.

Only if he would have realized it would happen sooner than he imagined.

 

**_ *** _ **

“I see you found sleep? Isn’t it as truly as beautiful as I said it would be?” 

Bruce slowly opened his eyes. Had he fallen asleep again? He didn’t think he would honestly, but it seemed like he had. Only this time, he felt somewhat rested and not a bundle of frayed nerves.

“Hey Thor,” he said drowsily, still recovering from waking up. “Huh? I guess I did.”

“How was it?” Thor asked, eyes sparkling in the fully-lit room.

Bruce sat up and pushed his feet out from under the sheets. “Not sure,” he said, placing a finger over his lips. “I don’t feel any better or any worse. I _don’t_ feel anything. Is that bad?”

Thor rolled over on his side and looked at Bruce thoughtfully. “Not at all, Bruce.” He smiled, brushing the hair that had fallen on his face when he rolled over. “You’ve slept and that’s truly all I cared for.”

“I still _can’t_ stand to sleep,” he admitted in a low voice, refusing to meet Thor’s gaze. “As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw the things that I locked away for a reason. I don’t ever want to see those things again. I just can’t… I’m not willing to deal with them.”

“I understand.” Thor gently placed a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “You’re frightened of facing your problems, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I’ll always be here for you, my love, to guide you, to help you—”

“I don’t really need that,” Bruce said in a small voice, forcing himself to look up into Thor’s beautiful, big eyes. “I wouldn’t know what to do with any of that. I have never, you know, received any of those things you’re offering me before.”

“Then I will continue to shower you with my affections, my devotion, my love. For too long, you have been neglected, and looked down upon, and it is time for that to change.”

Bruce blushed. “I, uh, thanks.”

Thor smiled at him, reaching over and lifted Bruce’s chin up, looking into his eyes, before he closed the distance between them. The moment their lips reached, nothing happened, nothing exciting, nothing beautiful. It was just lips touching and that was all they needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce didn't feel any differently when he 'slept' because it didn't make sense that he would. He had so much issues and to think that Thor's warm, comfortable presence would make him fall into a beautiful slumber was just implausible. I couldn't figure out a *way* to give Bruce a good night's rest without it feeling a little cliche, like Thor was what Bruce needed to sleep, and everything closed up nicely. On a personal level, that is not realistic. It doesn't happen like that, so I didn't want to put that in this fic.
> 
> I am also not a 100% convinced with the characterization/character study I did for this fic. It worked for the fic, but I am not sure how well it would blend into canon. Sometimes, it fell flat, I feel, and only seemed to work because of the fic. So, that is probably something that I wouldn't necessarily carry on into other fics, if I can ever find something to write for BruceThor again. Also, I don't normally write stuff like this so there's that.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading this weird little fic of mine. I hope something in here worked for you and you sort of enjoyed it a little. I'm over at tumblr if you ever want to talk BruceThor. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://neenabthurman.tumblr.com)


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